The "Milk Truck" has retired

This month has brought the most changes for Colt & I. The milk truck as carl likes to call me is no longer. After 5 months of breastfeeding and Colton only getting breastmilk he is now on formula with a little bit of my milk from my frozen stash in the freezer.

Its a blessing to be able to breastfeed your baby. Not all moms can do it whether by choice or their bodies just cant keep up with the constant demand of the baby. I fortunately was able to breastfeed exclusively for the first 2 months of his life. Once I had to return to work he would get bottles of my milk that I had pumped and frozen. It was a demanding struggle every day. I hated breastfeeding sometimes and the battle of when I should stop or the up and down waves of my supply etc.

I was always questioning my supply and if he was getting enough. Every time I would leave him and he would get a bottle and for some reason would spit it up I would get so upset. I don't think anyone that hasn't gone through breastfeeding knows how much that milk means to you. Its like liquid gold. That bag in the freezer represents the hard work that you as a mom went through in order to even produce it. It have your boobs full enough to attach a machine to them and pump out all your hard work is an awesome moment. Whether that moment was a 2am or not its still so relieving to add another bag to that freezer

Breastfeeding was even more of challenge for me because of my sons allergy to milk and his acid reflux. Which meant I could no longer eat my favorite foods. That on top of no sleep meant for an extremely difficult adjustment for me. As the weeks went on Colton spit up less and less and I grew more accustomed to my new diet.

I enjoyed feeding my son and being the main source of his development. There is such pride in being able to produce milk and feed your baby. The human body is truly an amazing thing and I found that I had so much more confidence as a woman and mother due to the fact that I could feed my son this way. There's something so primal about breastfeeding and how a woman's body changes.

Looking back now I had a goal of 6 months. That's when I wanted to stop feeding him and wean him onto the formula. But he began to get solid foods and realized that there was quicker and easier ways other then me to get fed and be full. So he became less and less interested in me. Plus he began to get two teeth as well. I knew going in as soon as teeth began to pop out I wanted to be done anyway. So at 5 1/2 months I stopped breastfeeding him. We still give him breastmilk from the stash but mixed with the soy formula. He's also eating solids too. He loves prunes, peaches, pears, sweet potatoes, and carrots. We still have yet to try any meats but we are getting there.

I must say I cried when I realized he wouldn't look to just me anymore for the comfort of my milk but it also brings me joy to have even been able to provide milk at all for him for 5 months of his life. It feels so satisfying to have done what I did for my son. I never imagined breastfeeding would be so difficult or create so many challenges but it was worth every sleepless night.

To be able to wear my old shirts again and not have to run and hide in a room for an hour by yourself to feed your baby is a new experience. I can now go places and not worry about how much milk was used or wasted if he spit up. Having him on formula has given me so much of my freedom back. Freedom I will never take for granted again.

So for all the mamas out there struggling with breastfeeding you are amazing and don't ever forget it.  

Colton Scott is One Month!

                                              ...Colton Scott is 1 month old...

My baby boy is growing so fast already, and its honestly thrilling and heartbreaking at the same time. Never again will he be this little. At the same time he is growing and making changes in his development every single day and as a mother there is nothing better then realizing it is because of you that he can do this.

I never saw myself breastfeeding him. I wanted to pump and bottle feed but as it turns out I was very naïve to how that works. If I'm being honest I was naïve to how most of being a mom would be. I knew it wasn't a walk in the park but I also didn't realize how hard it would really be. The first two weeks I was a little crazy, constantly questioning myself.. "did he get enough milk?" "is he crying cause he's in pain?" "is that rash normal?" I would beat myself up over every single moment that he wasn't smiling or sleeping. I wanted to be a great mom. I also had the wake up call of getting no sleep. Sure we all know going in getting pregnant that as soon as the baby is here there will be no sleep, but it didn't really hit me until I was up every two hours sometimes every hour with him.

Around week three I started to calm down and get a grip on life again. My hormones were still all over the place but I wasn't crying at the drop of a hat anymore. I began to just take moments as they came and not worry every second of every day that something could go wrong. The love I have for him is something I've heard people talk about before.. " Its a different kind of love" "You would do anything for them" "You love them more then anything else in your life".. Mila Kunis had an interview on Ellen a few years back and put it perfectly she said "If she murdered someone in cold blood I'd be like that's ok!" (it really wouldn't be ok) but that's what its like. They are your soul, everything about them is perfect in your eyes. You created them and they can do no wrong. Its a different aspect of love entirely. The love I have for him is the strongest love I have ever felt. Sure I love my fiancée ,my family, and my friends but the love for Colton stomps them all. He comes first in every aspect of my life and that's exactly how I want it to be.

This little boy had my heart from the second I heard him cry. After I put all the stupid questions out of my mind that had consumed me for the first couple of weeks and focused on this amazing life I truly started to bond with my son. All my time and energy is for him and I wouldn't want my old life back even if I had to beg for it. He is my life now, along with his daddy. Being a mom is so rewarding and the best thing that has ever happened to me. My wish is for every minute of Coltons' life to be the best it can be, and I wont rest until that is happening.

When he smiles it melts my soul. I wish he could smile every second of every day I'd be on cloud nine forever. He has such a little personality already. He's the spitting image of my fiancée and has lots of me in the way he acts. He's very nosey and that's me to a T. I just love this little nugget and all the love he has brought me. My life is now completely different and I am thrilled about it.

Pregnancy through my eyes..

Pregnancy is something that is so common yet not at the very same time. Each pregnancy is extremely different from another. I never understood this until I went through it and am still going through it. So I've decided to write a blog and post pictures and tell my story of pregnancy the way I see it everyday.

My boyfriend and I at the time had been dating for three years. We are living together and luckily both have careers and a stable life. We had plans to get engaged , married and to look for a home far away in the country. All that changed on thanksgiving morning. Our lives would never be the same after reading two lines on a test.

We didn't know what to do! We went to both of our families dinners with a HUGE secret we had just discovered hours before. Not for one second was I upset or scared for my future I just knew our plans had gotten reversed. They say you make plans and god laughs..  I discovered that to be true.

(photo by A. Lee Photography)

Its funny, in the photo above I thought my stomach was big.. boy how things change in a couple months.

My fiancée as you can tell from the photo, took me to one of the most beautiful (and secret) spots in Tioga County. We had discovered this trail driving around one day. I remember months before thinking how beautiful this place was, little did I know this would be a spot my life would change forever.

The day he proposed I remember everything clearly. It was February and FREEZING! I had my best friend and my brother with us too. My best friend is also a photographer and we wanted to do a pregnancy shoot to announce our little secret.

I had been praying for months actually years that he would propose to me. Then BOOM it happened! It was a moment I will never forget. Snow on the ground shining in the sun only made my ring seem more shiny and beautiful then it was on its own.

I started crying immediately and Carl of course started laughing at me! He knew what I would say and he wasn't nervous at all. Typical man..

I love to write down moments and sometimes just feelings of whatever I may be facing that day or week. This book has been my therapy as well as family and friends. Pregnancy is not easy!

Coffee is my saving grace.

We had a gender reveal party for our baby. Carl & I both didn't have the patience a lot of couples have. I was so nervous the night before I didn't sleep at all. It felt like Christmas was the next day! Being able to found out if your baby is a boy or girl is an amazing feeling that you will never be able to get back again.

 

I love this photo of him. He's so happy to have is little boy which he predicted the whole time.

(The plane on my belly was one of Carl's favorite toys when he was little <3)

Memorial Day weekend at our favorite place

One of my favorite books from my baby shower. Of course its from my bestie

The fridge.. my enemy

Now we just wait patiently for our little miracle to arrive. It is truly amazing what a woman's body goes through in just nine months. I will never look back at this time and regret anything in fact I know I will miss it as soon as its over. I feel blessed beyond words to even be able to go through this experience at all and I never take one day for granted.

Casey & Matts Engagement Photoshoot

                       After a long nine years of dating Casey & Matt are       finally engaged!

   I met Casey six years ago, I wish I had known her sooner. She has so much life and is just an awesome person to be around. Matt doesn't fall short either, he is one of the nicest people I have ever met. This couple together couldn't be more perfect for each other.

I was thrilled when she asked if I could photograph their photos celebrating their engagement. I love capturing moments that I know they will treasure for the rest of their lives.

Casey & Matt took a huge step in their relationship almost two years ago.. they bought a home. You might think "Well yes that's very common." For this couple the home they bought was anything but common. This home needed to be rebuilt from the ground up. Almost every part of this house was a project for Casey & Matt to fix.

The house was full of really neat surprises as well. Old hiding places for mason jars and little unique touches most homes today just do not have. Casey told me when she saw the window with the seating ledge looking out onto the yard with a large blue barn she was sold. That was it for her she had found her future in that very spot. 

Matt finally went out and bought her ring. Almost every night they were at the house working to restore and bring life to their home. Matt had just finished repainting a cabinet for Casey that she was in love with. He decided to place her ring inside the refinished cabinet for Casey to find. There again her future changed. About a yard away from the windowsill where she had decided this was home.

Casey & Matt deserve nothing but the best. I hope and pray that their future is everything they dream for it to be.