My baby boy is growing so fast already, and its honestly thrilling and heartbreaking at the same time. Never again will he be this little. At the same time he is growing and making changes in his development every single day and as a mother there is nothing better then realizing it is because of you that he can do this.
I never saw myself breastfeeding him. I wanted to pump and bottle feed but as it turns out I was very naïve to how that works. If I'm being honest I was naïve to how most of being a mom would be. I knew it wasn't a walk in the park but I also didn't realize how hard it would really be. The first two weeks I was a little crazy, constantly questioning myself.. "did he get enough milk?" "is he crying cause he's in pain?" "is that rash normal?" I would beat myself up over every single moment that he wasn't smiling or sleeping. I wanted to be a great mom. I also had the wake up call of getting no sleep. Sure we all know going in getting pregnant that as soon as the baby is here there will be no sleep, but it didn't really hit me until I was up every two hours sometimes every hour with him.
Around week three I started to calm down and get a grip on life again. My hormones were still all over the place but I wasn't crying at the drop of a hat anymore. I began to just take moments as they came and not worry every second of every day that something could go wrong. The love I have for him is something I've heard people talk about before.. " Its a different kind of love" "You would do anything for them" "You love them more then anything else in your life".. Mila Kunis had an interview on Ellen a few years back and put it perfectly she said "If she murdered someone in cold blood I'd be like that's ok!" (it really wouldn't be ok) but that's what its like. They are your soul, everything about them is perfect in your eyes. You created them and they can do no wrong. Its a different aspect of love entirely. The love I have for him is the strongest love I have ever felt. Sure I love my fiancée ,my family, and my friends but the love for Colton stomps them all. He comes first in every aspect of my life and that's exactly how I want it to be.
This little boy had my heart from the second I heard him cry. After I put all the stupid questions out of my mind that had consumed me for the first couple of weeks and focused on this amazing life I truly started to bond with my son. All my time and energy is for him and I wouldn't want my old life back even if I had to beg for it. He is my life now, along with his daddy. Being a mom is so rewarding and the best thing that has ever happened to me. My wish is for every minute of Coltons' life to be the best it can be, and I wont rest until that is happening.
When he smiles it melts my soul. I wish he could smile every second of every day I'd be on cloud nine forever. He has such a little personality already. He's the spitting image of my fiancée and has lots of me in the way he acts. He's very nosey and that's me to a T. I just love this little nugget and all the love he has brought me. My life is now completely different and I am thrilled about it.
Love that little one at the bottom when he is smirking in the deer outfit! You're doing great as a new mom, keep it up :)
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